Monthly Archives: May 2018

STRESS QUEEN !

stress gif

I literally stress about everything. I can’t tell you how many miles a minute my brain is constantly moving. If things don’t go my way (how I planned it in my head)…STRESS, if I pile a crap ton of stuff on my never ending to- do list…STRESS, if I can’t figure something out (like how it took me a minute to add website links, and I still couldn’t figure it out so they’re attached below)…MORE STRESS, if something is not working…STRESS. The list literally goes on…forever. I have figured out how to cope with it, and stress less, but they’re minuscule baby steps; I’m a constant work in progress.

Lets take a few steps back to the beginning of this year. This was “my year,” to do all the great things. The year of less stress, writing more, publish my book (which is currently out on Amazon and Barnes and Noble) Pieces of Me: A Collection of Poems and Short Stories. I just wanted to be more confident in myself and do what makes Jordan happy than prior years. So, one day while at church the youth mime team did a performance to a song called You Will Win by Jekalyn Carr. The message was powerful and the performance was just as great. Of course, after that Sunday service I felt rejuvenated and ready to take on the world. I downloaded the song on my phone, and I told myself this would be one thing (of many) to relieve my stress. Writing always helps although sometimes I’m not in the mood or I have writers block. I sometimes use my fidget cube/spinner, or I just sit in the dark breathe and count until I’ve calmed myself down. For this song, I made the decision to let it be my motivation, something to use as a pick me up when things weren’t right for whatever reason.

The words to the song help me so much because it relaxes me. It also confirms for me that I will win; I can’t always stress and worry about things I can’t control. It is very hard for me to just let things go, or cope with not having things work out the way I planned. Somethings are just out of my control. It helps me to remember that I can’t identify as this strong person but always feel ‘defeated’ or that whatever blessings that are meant for me won’t come; or that I get myself into such a stressful tizzy that I have to use one of the above tools to calm me down. I’m the type of person who worries a lot too. I can’t try to be this strong person but always be a stressed Sally. I’ll be pulling too much energy trying to keep a happy medium. I need to constantly remind myself that whatever I set my mind out to do I WILL WIN at that task.

“I know you’re hurt
I know you’re torn
I know you’re broken but
You will win.

It’s my winning season
(It’s my winning season)
Everything attached to me wins
Everything attached to me wins
Everything attached to me wins
(Everything attached to me wins)”

There is a point in Jekalyn’s song where she says “You can’t say you are a winner but look defeated.” Out of the entire song, that one line is probably one of the most influential. I can’t be a strong warrior, a black queen, but let the small or big things get to me. I have to take a breath and remind myself that things will be okay.

I have to remind myself, and you should too: I will win. I will not be defeated. If I need to dust myself off I will. If I need to take a minute and regroup I can.

I will win. I can’t call myself a winner but look defeated. Everything attached to me wins.

Below is the song in case you’d like to listen, and attached is the link to purchase my book.

https://www.amazon.com/Pieces-Me-Collection-Poems-Stories/dp/0692086595/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1527554476&sr=8-2&keywords=jordan+freels&dpID=51O-m7x4BIL&preST=_SY291_BO1,204,203,200_QL40_&dpSrc=sr

 

A Helping Hand.

 

 

Asking for help is one of the hardest things for me to do. I hate feeling like I have to depend on people, it makes me feel less than. Yes, I understand sometimes people need help from others in certain areas, or for certain things, but for me it’s more personal. It’s a tight corner I’ve backed myself into. Asking for help makes me feel like I’m incapable of doing things for me.

I also couple it with how I always hear, “Oh you look so young” or “you look like a student” while that’s great to know as I get older I’ll still be perceived as younger (inserts straight face emoji) it doesn’t make me feel like a young adult woman. I am not complaining that I’ve been blessed with youthful genes, or that I am in a rush to look so old. I just couple the generous compliments with me thinking/perceiving these compliment givers think I can’t do for myself because of my youthfulness. Call me crazy. I realize to that end I shouldn’t worry about what others think or perceive of me, and I must say I have gotten way better at not caring anymore or feeling the need to explain myself. This year has been a huge season of growth for me in more than one area. *Ends mini rant.*

Point two in asking for help. If I have a vision and want something done a certain way it is very hard for me to be patient, have my mind changed, or even feel like whomever I’m asking for help from will exceed my expectations of what and how I want things to be done. In a nut shell, I usually feel better doing things my way because I know if I fail it’s no ones fault but mine. I also understand that I don’t know everything and asking for someones opinion is because again, I’m no expert. I’m a firm believer that if you ask for help it’s because you need it, but I also understand just because I am asking for help doesn’t mean I have to agree or do the advice given. It’s funny because in the same breath I ask for help,  it’s because I think/feel their suggestion will be better. It’s like, why ask for advice if you’re not going to do what was suggested? (Which by the way is a super pet peeve of mine). Don’t ask for help if you don’t want it. I sure am preaching to myself!

Moral of the story, you aren’t an expert at everything. Ask for help because you need it or you wouldn’t be asking in the first place. Take the time to acknowledge the help given, but don’t belittle, discredit, ignore, or for all the other reasons I’ve listed above, not feel like you can’t do because you’re asking for aid. A helping hand is something everyone needs. Even me. Even when I feel like asking for help makes me feel less adult-like. It’s hard wearing your big girl panties everyday but still understanding you can’t do it all yourself. No one can.