Category Archives: Uncategorized

To The Regina Georges Of The World…

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So….mean girls by definition to me..are sad. Not sad in the sense like, “whoa is me” but they want others to feel their pain. Sad in a sense where they want everyone to always stoop down to their level. Sad in a sense where they are so miserable that they can’t help  but just be mean and miserable. Actually I want to rephrase that, they chose to be mean/miserable. Their actions and attitude affect how they treat people and it usually results in someone like me, cutting them off… and not right away. It takes me a minute to see how the actions y’all display aren’t in my best interest to help me flourish/and our friendship.

I’ve experienced more than one mean girl, and I’m over y’all. Just a quick mini rant, as per usual, I’m the nicest/kind-hearted/self-less individual any person could have in a friend like me. I understand sometimes people aren’t always aware of their actions.. but it can’t be every time. Or even, if I’m telling you what you said bothered me you should be able to correct your behavior so we can move forward.

I really do feel bad for you Regina George. Your insecurities, and your life experiences have made you mean. It’s not fair to me. Whatever you have going on, good or bad, doesn’t give you the right to just treat people how you want to treat people. Someone should’ve told you about your behavior years ago.  It truly does boggle my mind that someone could have been through so much heart ache that they internalize all this hurt and anger. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that every time you encounter someone you’re mean, but the few occasions you’ve spewed your hatred, it’s been at an unnecessary time and it could’ve been prevented.

I’m the friend that likes to talk things out, when both parties are calm and not hot-headed. Trust me I can be like you, but the difference with me is that I have a heart and I truly feel bad when I am mean to someone. My mother has always said I’m the most forgiving person, but I cannot excuse or let you just treat me any kind of way. I don’t understand how I can go through traumatic things in my life and not be like you Regina.

Regina, I wish you the best. There aren’t any hard feelings on my end. When I see you if I see you I’ll speak but I am not going to entertain you any longer. Our relationship has sizzled away and I do not care nor do I feel sorry for the actions you’ve continuously displayed. Good luck in all your future endeavors. I will no longer entertain your sad sad attitude. You do not get an invitation to be part of my life anymore.

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My Thoughts Memoir; a stolen life.

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a stolen life by Jaycee Dugard was suggested to me by a co-worker. She gave me a list of books to read that she deemed as ‘deep’ and ‘heart-wrenching’ so I gave it a chance. Reading the back of the book (fun fact: also known as the blurb) caught my eye. For anyone who hasn’t yet heard of this book it’s about a young girl who was kidnapped and held captive for eighteen years.

a stolen life, thus far, has been the hardest book to read because of the real, honest, and gut turning details Jaycee writes about. Every page I turned there was a detail I couldn’t handle, or something I wasn’t expecting her to say. Jaycee’s story is sad, but also inspiring. She makes it a point to discuss her life pre, post, and present her captivity.

Whenever I picked up my book I would read a whole chapter if I could. Again, somethings were graphic and I couldn’t take my brain to those dark places for too long. Yes the book was a great one, but honestly, I couldn’t imagine ever going through something so horrific as Jaycee did. Something so traumatic as this changes you.

We hear about stories of children, families, relatives, or maybe sometimes people we know being kidnapped. Some come home and some don’t. Jaycee was very lucky.

She says, “On August 26, 2009, I took my name back. My name is Jaycee Lee Dugard. I don’t think of myself as a victim, I simply survived an intolerable situation.”

What’s different about this book is that throughout Jaycee gives reflection moments. In certain chapters there’s a focus on how she felt during specific instances in her life during captivity. Earlier I mentioned her story being inspiring, and it is because you see the growth she experiences because of it.  Like she stated, she didn’t see herself as the victim. Jaycee always seemed to have this free spirit about her, she always seemed hopeful.

Her story is unique and I can only hope no other family has to go through what hers has. While her story is unfortunate she has done some great things afterwards. She has overcome obstacles and has started her life over.

Below is her foundation she has started, one of the many positives that has come from a horrible situation.

Check out her website. I hope you enjoyed her book as much as I did.

Her foundation is The JAY C Foundation Inc. http://thejaycfoundation.org/

STRESS QUEEN !

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I literally stress about everything. I can’t tell you how many miles a minute my brain is constantly moving. If things don’t go my way (how I planned it in my head)…STRESS, if I pile a crap ton of stuff on my never ending to- do list…STRESS, if I can’t figure something out (like how it took me a minute to add website links, and I still couldn’t figure it out so they’re attached below)…MORE STRESS, if something is not working…STRESS. The list literally goes on…forever. I have figured out how to cope with it, and stress less, but they’re minuscule baby steps; I’m a constant work in progress.

Lets take a few steps back to the beginning of this year. This was “my year,” to do all the great things. The year of less stress, writing more, publish my book (which is currently out on Amazon and Barnes and Noble) Pieces of Me: A Collection of Poems and Short Stories. I just wanted to be more confident in myself and do what makes Jordan happy than prior years. So, one day while at church the youth mime team did a performance to a song called You Will Win by Jekalyn Carr. The message was powerful and the performance was just as great. Of course, after that Sunday service I felt rejuvenated and ready to take on the world. I downloaded the song on my phone, and I told myself this would be one thing (of many) to relieve my stress. Writing always helps although sometimes I’m not in the mood or I have writers block. I sometimes use my fidget cube/spinner, or I just sit in the dark breathe and count until I’ve calmed myself down. For this song, I made the decision to let it be my motivation, something to use as a pick me up when things weren’t right for whatever reason.

The words to the song help me so much because it relaxes me. It also confirms for me that I will win; I can’t always stress and worry about things I can’t control. It is very hard for me to just let things go, or cope with not having things work out the way I planned. Somethings are just out of my control. It helps me to remember that I can’t identify as this strong person but always feel ‘defeated’ or that whatever blessings that are meant for me won’t come; or that I get myself into such a stressful tizzy that I have to use one of the above tools to calm me down. I’m the type of person who worries a lot too. I can’t try to be this strong person but always be a stressed Sally. I’ll be pulling too much energy trying to keep a happy medium. I need to constantly remind myself that whatever I set my mind out to do I WILL WIN at that task.

“I know you’re hurt
I know you’re torn
I know you’re broken but
You will win.

It’s my winning season
(It’s my winning season)
Everything attached to me wins
Everything attached to me wins
Everything attached to me wins
(Everything attached to me wins)”

There is a point in Jekalyn’s song where she says “You can’t say you are a winner but look defeated.” Out of the entire song, that one line is probably one of the most influential. I can’t be a strong warrior, a black queen, but let the small or big things get to me. I have to take a breath and remind myself that things will be okay.

I have to remind myself, and you should too: I will win. I will not be defeated. If I need to dust myself off I will. If I need to take a minute and regroup I can.

I will win. I can’t call myself a winner but look defeated. Everything attached to me wins.

Below is the song in case you’d like to listen, and attached is the link to purchase my book.

https://www.amazon.com/Pieces-Me-Collection-Poems-Stories/dp/0692086595/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1527554476&sr=8-2&keywords=jordan+freels&dpID=51O-m7x4BIL&preST=_SY291_BO1,204,203,200_QL40_&dpSrc=sr

 

A Helping Hand.

 

 

Asking for help is one of the hardest things for me to do. I hate feeling like I have to depend on people, it makes me feel less than. Yes, I understand sometimes people need help from others in certain areas, or for certain things, but for me it’s more personal. It’s a tight corner I’ve backed myself into. Asking for help makes me feel like I’m incapable of doing things for me.

I also couple it with how I always hear, “Oh you look so young” or “you look like a student” while that’s great to know as I get older I’ll still be perceived as younger (inserts straight face emoji) it doesn’t make me feel like a young adult woman. I am not complaining that I’ve been blessed with youthful genes, or that I am in a rush to look so old. I just couple the generous compliments with me thinking/perceiving these compliment givers think I can’t do for myself because of my youthfulness. Call me crazy. I realize to that end I shouldn’t worry about what others think or perceive of me, and I must say I have gotten way better at not caring anymore or feeling the need to explain myself. This year has been a huge season of growth for me in more than one area. *Ends mini rant.*

Point two in asking for help. If I have a vision and want something done a certain way it is very hard for me to be patient, have my mind changed, or even feel like whomever I’m asking for help from will exceed my expectations of what and how I want things to be done. In a nut shell, I usually feel better doing things my way because I know if I fail it’s no ones fault but mine. I also understand that I don’t know everything and asking for someones opinion is because again, I’m no expert. I’m a firm believer that if you ask for help it’s because you need it, but I also understand just because I am asking for help doesn’t mean I have to agree or do the advice given. It’s funny because in the same breath I ask for help,  it’s because I think/feel their suggestion will be better. It’s like, why ask for advice if you’re not going to do what was suggested? (Which by the way is a super pet peeve of mine). Don’t ask for help if you don’t want it. I sure am preaching to myself!

Moral of the story, you aren’t an expert at everything. Ask for help because you need it or you wouldn’t be asking in the first place. Take the time to acknowledge the help given, but don’t belittle, discredit, ignore, or for all the other reasons I’ve listed above, not feel like you can’t do because you’re asking for aid. A helping hand is something everyone needs. Even me. Even when I feel like asking for help makes me feel less adult-like. It’s hard wearing your big girl panties everyday but still understanding you can’t do it all yourself. No one can.

Get your own #RelationshipGoals

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What is it about how society portrays relationship goals that makes the rest of us think that’s what our relationships should be?

I can’t be the only one who loves to see those random videos of couples we don’t know confess their love for each other and re-post them. Or the videos from Valentines Day where the guy has a ton of flowers and balloons every where. You know, the cliche-esq  photos and videos that we wished our spouses did for us. I can admit I love love, and I have reposted those same videos and pictures myself. The best ones are engagement videos. I get teary-eyed, and hope and pray my future husband does something ten times better. But, why?

I think for some people they share their love story because they want others to know that true love does exist. The issue for me becomes when people try to copy what they’ve seen; or they try to match what celebrities show as their relationship goals. Be original, or just be boring. Let the love story be yours, and let it be unique. Who cares what others may have to say about you and your spouse, or if it doesn’t get reposted and goes viral. It’s your relationship, not theirs. If you have a million snap chat pictures with filters as your year anniversary then post it and be proud! Or if you’ve taken the time to have this elaborate photo shoot with dolphins, and flowers, and the sun glistening down on you and your spouse then that’s great too.

Be your own relationship goals. It’s okay to want  to have something like someone else, but not everything that glitters is gold. Understand that no relationship is perfect, and while you and I may love love no relationship is always sunshine and daises. You realize people only post the ‘good’ and never the ‘bad.’ We don’t see when couples argue, or things aren’t going how they should in the relationship. We emulate the good and forget that there is bad sometimes sprinkled in there too.

Take the time to build a relationship and chose to share with others because you want to, not because you think it’s what society thinks should happen. The best relationships are the ones where no one knows you and your spouses business. I’ve said it before, not everything is for social media. But, if you chose to post, let it be genuine and real.

Don’t do what society shows us what relationship goals are. Create your own and let that be your foundation. Don’t build your foundation on what you see others have. Every relationship and every spouse is different.

 

Get your own #relationshipgoals.

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Listen less and Grow more.

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Have you ever felt like the people around you never have anything positive to say? Or people just don’t understand the things you have going on in your life? I know I have. I’ve learned that it’s okay that people won’t understand the things you have going on in your life, or why you chose to do things you do, but it sure can be burdensome or draining when you think you’re doing well and someone tries to knock you down. This goes for whoever is in your life that may not be giving you the advice you should be hearing. Not what they think you need to hear because it’s the advice they think you need. There is a difference, trust me.

I’m the type of person who always want to please everyone, but even now I’m learning that if what I’m doing someone doesn’t like, or they aren’t helping me grow then I need to keep them as far away from me as possible. Remember, you are your worst critic, and essentially are the only one stopping you from growing. If you continuously beat yourself up for not being where you want to be because you’re listening to others then you are never going to grow. Sometimes listening to other people will only put you in a state of mind where you start listening to what they have to say, and whose to say that the advice their giving you is correct? Please stop doing that. Everything you do doesn’t have to have to be validated by other people. If you didn’t ask anyone for advice, and even if it’s something that you think isn’t the best choice for you don’t listen to them.

Live your life. Make the decision you think is best for you. Call on people who you know will give you advice that is sound, valuable, and honest. You’re at a point in your life where you should be even if it seems like things may not always be going so great. What is for you is meant for you, and what is meant for someone else is for them. That’s another thing, stop comparing what you have or where you are to someone else’s life. If you need to change somethings in your life then by all means do so. You can’t grow by listening to what other people have to say all the time. They don’t live your life, they don’t know what you’ve been through, they don’t know how much you’ve changed.

Essentially, all that matters is the decisions you make for yourself. Don’t misconstrue what I’m not saying. I’m not saying isolate yourself and just live under a rock. All I’m saying is know the difference between having someone support, uplift, and help you grow, verses tearing you down and you thinking that their helping you when their only hurting you.

Do you decompress?

 

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Sometimes I have to make myself decompress, and do things I actually like to do. I spend so much time focusing on other things I need to, that I forget to take a breather and have fun. It’s hard being a person who’s always on the go. Wither its school, work, or for personal reasons my brain is always running; I sometimes imagine it like a fan, spinning 24/7.

It’s funny, because when I do need to decompress I usually do it through my social media apps. When I do take my me time, my Instagram and Snapchat are always the first applications that I log off of.  My Facebook and GroupMe I can use because they don’t distract me as much. I find that I spend more time on my phone at night, probably because during the day I’m working and even if I could go on social media the connection is never good.

The more of these hiatus’ I do, the easier it gets for me. I don’t like that in today’s society everyone is glued to there phone in one way shape or form. I miss the days when people just talked to each other, now if someone doesn’t like a picture or comments, it’s like the world is ending or you and that person aren’t ‘friends.’ Why does what I write or post have to define my relationships with people, ya know? But anyway, that was just a quick mini rant. In retrospect, I decompress from social media because it’s so easy to access. I’m taking this year to write more,  read more, and do more for myself.

It’s okay to not always be connected. I am learning still and reminding myself everyday that I don’t always have to stay in the know. I need to take time for me and do things that I enjoy. This year I wanted to utilize my blog more and become better at blogging. Writing in general is something I wanted to improve on, for my blog, my prayer journal, my regular journal, any poems or short stories I write. Anything that I enjoy doing I’m going to do. It’s my time to decompress and take a breath. Spend sometime alone and focus on me and what I like.

You should try it sometime, you might find you like just taking a step back. It’s become my new thing to do.

First Thoughts Fiction; Push.

 

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So I’ve decided to come up with this concept called “First Thoughts Fiction” where I discuss a particular book I’ve recently finished. These particular blog post will consist of any pros/cons I felt the book had and simply what I thought about the book as a whole. Today’s post will be about Push by Sapphire.

For those who don’t know, Push by Sapphire was written in 1996. This story is about a girl named Precious from Harlem, who’s illiterate and has to fend for herself in a time where she feels like no one is on her side. Being raped by her father and abused by her mother she finds solace in the comfort of her teacher who helps Precious see things in a different light. Most of you at this point maybe remembering the movie Precious, which debuted in 2009this movie was based off of that book.

I loved the book and the movie, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t trying to incorporate movie scenes into the book while reading. To be honest, the grammatical errors in the book (placed purposely to show Precious’ illiteracy) made my brain hurt. I understood the reasoning behind it, but if I remember correctly Precious, played by Gabourey Sidibe, did way better in the movie with her literacy verses in the book. I would have to stop reading every once in a while to let my brain cool off, it was hard trying to properly form the words she was writing into proper English. It was a constant battle every time I turned the page, and hoping with each chapter I read her grammar would improve, but it didn’t.

The hard images Sapphire wrote about of Precious being raped, and the abuse she endured from her mother were raw and real. While reading I felt the pain Precious felt, I felt sorrow and sadness too. Being able to create those images in someones brain is a skill, and seeing it on film was just as important.

All the actors and actresses of Precious I think were phenomenal. I had to look up what actress played Precious’ teacher, because I couldn’t place the face; it was Paula Patton. I don’t remember her at all in the film, (maybe I should re-watch it) and it’s sad because her character in the book played a vital role in Precious’ growth. It’s funny, I remember only Gabourey Sidibe, Mariah Carey & Mo’Nique. It could just be because the three most important actresses ended up being the three most important people in the book. I can’t even remember who the actresses were that played Precious friends in the film. From the book I think the social worker (Mrs. Weiss played by Mariah Carey) and Precious’ mom (played by Mo’Nique) were so uncut in the book that it made sense for these actresses to portray uncut emotions. Who remembers the scene where Mo’Nique was yelling and screaming at Precious from the top of the steps and threw the tv? Or how Mariah Carey didn’t even look recognizable? These are the things I remembered in the film, and in the book they were just that raw and intense. There were definitely things I remembered in the movie about these characters and the roles they had in Precious’ life, but in the book they were portrayed differently.

All in all, the book is a great read, and if you haven’t already pick up a copy. When a book has a movie attached to it, I try to read the book first so I can look for things I’ve already read about in the film. Push is a book I’ll never forget and always recommend because of the realness and raw talent that it took Sapphire to create. Someone somewhere felt like Precious at one point or another, and hopefully reading this book will only teach them to never give up and follow their dreams, no matter what. Spoiler Alert, that’s something Precious grew to love about herself. She may not have had the best home life, but she had a support system from women and friends she formed relationships with; what she learned from them she never forgot. She always pushed through.

Set a goal, accomplish it, & start all over again.

Hey everyone! It’s 2018 so the new year, new me facades have started and while some are irked by it, I think it’s important. It’s important because no one should want to be the same person they were last year, there should always be room for growth. Growth is so important in your everyday life, in who you are as a person,  and in what you want to accomplish. How can you want to change or become a new you if you’re still doing the same old thing…that doesn’t make much sense now does it?

Now,  I didn’t write this blog to down play, or have anyone in their feelings. This post is to keep you encouraged about the goals you’ve set for yourself this year. For me, I  had several goals (some small and big) to accomplish throughout the year. It’s sad that I consider myself a decent writer, someone who loves to play with words, etc. and I barely use my blogging site. So it’s kind of ironic I’m writing this now. Well that stops today, this year. I need to be more consistent in my blogging. How hypocritical would I be encouraging others but I can’t give myself the same advice (that’s a topic for another day).

Right now, while these first seven days started off great, they quickly became unsteady simply because I’m sick, and with the snow we’ve had I haven’t wanted to do anything, but don’t take that as an excuse. I feel like with all of that happening I’ve written more in the past seven days than I have in a while; and it feels AMAZING! My goals this year were simple, write more on any and all platforms (blogging, journal, prayer journal, poetry & short stories), exercise more, eat healthier, and maybe, just maybe go to a spoken word and recite one of my pieces. I haven’t quite conquered that beast yet, but I will, it’s something I’ve always wanted to do and I’m not giving up. My biggest goal, something I’ve been working on is in motion now, so be on the look out, but not accomplishing that sooner has pushed me further to get it done this year. I can’t lack confidence in myself anymore, I can’t tell myself I’ll get to it later because in all honesty I know later will never come.

It’s simple. Set your goals and stick to them. Write it down, have someone hold you accountable, including yourself. Just stay on top of what you set out to accomplish. I don’t know about you, but when I set goals and I don’t accomplish them I become my worst critic, and I beat myself up (and not just for these long or short term goals I have set), but also for any redundant task I may have throughout the day. Everyone wants to be a go-getter, but no one wants to put the work in! Everyone wants to be so inspirational but no one wants to inspire. How is that possible? You want to save for an apartment, but you’re spending all your money, you want to be healthier but you’re still eating junk food and not changing your diet. You can’t have your cake and eat it too, it’s impossible.

If you have goals set, get them accomplished. It’s 2018, and every day or every year you’re not getting things done you’re hindering yourself. Don’t let another year go by and you don’t set out to do what you planned because you’ll only have yourself to blame. Take the time, write them out, give yourself a time frame, something, but the longer you sit on your dreams the less they’ll come true. If you want this year to be your best yet, if you want this year to be the year you ‘live your best life’ let it start with the goals you’ve set. Accomplish them, and then reset again at the drawing board!

It’s 2018, there’s no more room for error. There’s no more time to play games. Set your goals and hit the mark, and if you fail that’s okay too, but not doing anything only keeps you stuck. Growth starts with you, so get to it so you can inspire whomever and be a better you.

I am not my skin.

It’s 2017 ladies and gentleman! Oh yeah! In 2017 people set goals and plan on accomplishing things they want as the new year begins. Like most resolutions people want to lose weight, save more, etc. This year I just have one goal, one mission to accomplish, and this year it’s going to stop! I’m going to try my very hardest and those who are like me will understand (and the more you read the more you’ll understand what I mean by that last statement). So just keep reading. 🙂

My resolution is slightly different and its actually not even a resolution..lol. It’s actually just one simple request. What I’m about to say most women will agree with me, so please pay attention. In 2017 my soul mission is to NOT HEAR, anyone, males mainly but females too address me by my skin color; or reference it in any context.Unless you’re telling me I have clear skin or something lol. If we’re friends or not, if I’ve known you for 5 minutes or my whole 25 years on this earth, can we just not? Thanks, I would so appreciate it! I just find it extremely annoying.

I don’t want to hear, “It’s because you’re light skin you don’t text back or not fast enough, you’re light skin so you automatically attract the opposite sex, hey red-bone/light bright, are your eyes real?, are you’re latina?, you’re so yellow, you’re so pretty because you’re light skin, you don’t need make up because you’re light skin, you think you’re better than everyone because your light skin, you have permanent RBF(resting b**** face). I can literally write forever about everything I supposedly have, can do, or am because of my skin color.

I just wish it would stop. Stop with the stigmas. I know most are joking when they reference my skin tone. It’s not that the jokes not funny anymore, well actually, its not lol but the bigger issue for me is, why does my skin color have to define these things? I don’t address any male or female by their skin color, shape, or stereotypical stereotype. I just don’t think its needed. The way I want 2017 to be and not everyone may agree with me is, can we just ditch the stereotypes. Let’s win together. Let’s not have silly stereotypes of ANY skin color. Let’s just be great without acknowledging skin tone, it’s irrelevant. I am not my skin, and anyone reading this shouldn’t be defined or stereotyped by there skin tone either.

 

I hope everyone has a prosperous 2017!