Tag Archives: love

Room; First Thoughts Fiction

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Here it is yall… my next review for my #firstthoughtsfiction segement. I know it’s been a minute.

So, I’ve never been the type to read a book before watching the movie… and the book Room by Emma Donoghue wasn’t the exception to the rule. I enjoyed the book, as well as the movie (it’s on Netflix) but I was skeptical in even wanting to complete the book nor watch the movie just because it was such a slow start for the story to pick up while reading. I must admit, when I started the book life happened (brown skin girl emoji shrug), so that could be a small part as to why it took me a minute to start.

Emma Donoghue is a best selling author with multiple books; Room being one of the books that put her on the best selling charts. This book is raw, intense, whimsical, and heavy just to give a few details. Don’t be expecting it to be all sunshine and rainbows, you’ll definitely need to take a break sometimes.

What made this book so different was, it was told in the perspective of the little boy, Jack. Room was about a mother “Ma” who lived with her son Jack in an 11 x 11 room. She was kidnapped and raped and held captive for years until she was able with the help of her son to escape. The first half of this book is all about Ma and Jack in room. He perceives everything as “fake” except themselves. Although this book was deep and unbearable at times, there were times where Donoghue showed Jack’s intelligence but also his young-mindedness; you’ll have to read the book to truly understand what I mean.

The second half of the book was about Jack and Ma’s escape and what their lives were like after being free. For me, the second half was easier to swallow, but you could tell that even being ‘home’ for Jack was different. For the mother she struggled and suffered from being able to express herself. She was resilient and did everything she could with the circumstances she was given to protect herself and her son; but being in a ‘normal’ environment took a toll on her (depicted only in the movie).

In Room for Jack he seemed comfortable, at ease and safe. He didn’t quiet understand that outside of room there was a whole world he knew nothing about. I loved how Donoghue portrayed Jack’s emotions with learning all of this new information. It was a lot for him as a five-year-old boy to go from having only knowing the room to the world. In the movie, I think Jack was depicted as he was in the novel. You could see and feel while reading how he had to handle his old and new life.

What I wish was consistent in the book more so than the movie, was you were able to see more about Jack and Ma after they were freed. It showed their everyday life, how Jack adapted too his life outside of room, and more importantly his moms role. She struggled once they were free and wasn’t able to tend to her son, even though she was able too go above and beyond as best she could in the book. Donoghue’s attention to detail was given more life in the movie from Ma’s perspective. I always hear “the movie was better than the book”, but in my opinion that is never the case. I’m a true book lover at heart. Reading a book gives way more detail for me than watching the movie.

When reading this book, please have an open mind. Although I didn’t (lol) and it took me a few times to get the ball rolling, over all it was enjoyable. It was difficult at times to remember that the perspective of the book was told in Jack’s voice. That’s something I had to get use too, but that’s something that kept me intrigued the more I continued to read as well.

If I could leave you with this, imagine being the characters in Room, at least five year old Jack. You have the whole world to live, breath, and make an impression. Leave your mark on the world in someway shape or form. As I type this, I think that’s something the book taught me. Being confined in one space and thinking that’s all there is, you’ll never succeed. Take this book in a sense as a learning lesson. Don’t be confined to thinking you need to stay in one area in your life. Grow, change, and adapt to the circumstances you’re given, even sometimes if they are bad. Things will get better, and you’ll have plenty of time, and space to make a difference and start over. Everyday.

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the Secret Life of CeeCee Wilkes; First Thoughts Fiction

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the Secret Life of CeeCee Wilkes by Diane Chamberlain is a book that has twists and turns every chapter. In short, this book is about survival, secrets, love and lies. The main character CeeCee Wilkes grows from being a naive, gullible, and care free teen and transforms to a woman who depends on the relationships she’s built to keep a secret that could destroy all she’s worked hard to forget.

This was my first time reading a book by this author, and it won’t be my last. Once I was done reading I immediately found Diane Chamberlain’s website to discover she’s written more turn twisting books that look just as interesting.

the Secret Life of CeeCee Wilkes is about second chances. CeeCee did the best she could with the hand she was dealt, and without giving too much away, she was able to turn the tables and win. There were times she counted herself out but she had an amazing support system that didn’t give up on her even when she felt like giving up on herself.

This book had me in my feelings each chapter. I felt like I was part of the family and I didn’t want anymore destruction to happen to CeeCee even if she was part of the problem. She was a protector, a lover and a survivor. Just imagine being in her shoes… falling in love and having your whole life change because of someone who you trusted whole heartedly.

If you’re looking for a book that will have you on a roller coaster ride this is it. Diane Chamberlain has become one of my favorite authors.

Would you be able to keep a secret for years that would affect your future?

Little Bee; First Thoughts Fiction

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Little Bee by Chris Cleave took me forever to read simply because life got in the way. I had to start it over three times; with the third time being the final charm (pun intended).

Little Bee was about a young Nigerian refugee woman (Little Bee) who was released from her detention center and travels miles away to the only people she knows; the O’Rourke family who saved her life but also tried their hardest to forget the tragic incident of how they met. So I don’t spoil too much, this book I would say has a theme of ‘wanting to be free.’ Every character, small or large is suffering, or going through some type of journey that they only hope keeps them safe and sound on the other side. This book is about second chances. This book is about starting over the best way you know how but being scared (you know what-less) because you don’t know what the outcome will turn out to be.

What I loved about this book was each chapter alternated between Little Bee and Sarah’s (the wife in the story) perspective. Little Bee’s perspective was about survival, never forgetting where she came from, and trying her hardest to re-create herself in a world she really had no business being part of. Little Bee studied how people in England carried themselves because she thought that would be the key to saving her life. She felt like changing her vernacular and knowing facts about a world she would’ve never been placed in if it wasn’t that day on the beach with Sarah was her out. Her way of being free and starting over.

For Sarah, she too was about surviving but in the sense of, she had to focus on the present and not go back to who she was. A woman who was lost and just seemed to go through the motions. Essentially, she was changing for the better but still held on to who she used to be. Sarah was a people pleaser, but failed to focus on how to properly love, balance, and care for her family. It was like she was in denial about things and she knew it but she didn’t take the steps to figure out how to get out of those moments. So she went about her daily routine, struggling because she never spoke up until it was too late; but redeeming herself when Little Bee came back into her life was her way of being free. Helping someone else was they key for her life to be better.

Little Bee and Sarah are one in the same, and it’s crazy because their lives were totally different prior to when they were put together and it changed everything. Their willingness to help one another in a time of turmoil, both physically, and globally shaped who they became as women. They depended on each other and I think subconsciously knew that with all the secrets they kept they needed each other because one couldn’t survive without the other.

Chris Cleave also has another book,  entitled Incendiary. I enjoyed his style of writing  in Little Bee and hopefully you will too. Although it was a slow read in the beginning the relationships the characters developed with each other continuously peaked my interest. Each chapter there was something I wasn’t expecting. A story of two women trying to survive in a world they felt like they didn’t belong too.

 

 

My Motivators!

Hey ya’ll! I know it’s been a minute, so please forgive me. I’ve been dealing with some writers block, and now I’m here to tell ya’ll how GREAT ya’ll are! Yes Yes! This post is dedicated to all my MOTIVATORS.

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*I wish I had real confetti coming from the screen, so just pretend this is the Happy Birthday Confetti that falls from the top of your I-phone when you send someone a ‘Happy Birthday’ text*

Ya’ll push me to be my best and some of ya’ll I don’t even know on a personal level. If you’re still confused as to who ya’ll are, it’s you. It’s the people that hustle, and grind to reach a goal or a dream they have no matter what. It’s the people that constantly support me and push me to be a better me! I will try to shout out every person I can think of that pushes me to be my best, and if you aren’t mentioned don’t take it personal. I am not only shouting out the people who I know, talk to on a regular basis, went to school with, or never met; I’m also hoping this post will help those who need that extra drive because you simply aren’t motivated to GET UP OFF YOUR FEET AND GET MOVING! Don’t get discouraged. You can be that person! You should have a select group of friends or family, someone that knows you that helps you be better in one way shape or form. Someone with drive that you want to learn to have. Someone that is an entrepreneur, a go-getter.

I appreciate my motivators because it’s hard to be an adult. Life is hard, but ya’ll know the saying ‘nothing worth having comes easy’ and if that isn’t the truth I don’t know what is. Trust me when I tell you I am talking to myself here too. I get discouraged, stressed, over-whelmed, and anxious, super easy but I have to remember things will be okay and I have people in my corner always routing for me! I am my biggest cheerleader and my worst enemy sometimes!

First..

To my Mother and my Sisters, I thank you for your continuous love and support as I’ve grown up and come into my own. All three of you are super moms! Mom, you’ve raised three children and have done an OUTSTANDING job. Karae and Monique, I’ve always looked up to you and even see you as two extra mothers. Now that I am older,  I can appreciate the wisdom and guidance you two have given me compared to when I was younger I just saw it as annoying. Sometimes I still do, I’m working on it! You all know how I am stubborn and don’t like being told what to do if I’ve already made up my mind about something.

Dad, Thank you for being the dad I always wanted. You have raised me with mom like your own. I love you and appreciate everything you do for me. I thank you for being a great example for me for my future children, I know you’ll be an amazing Papa to them. Most importantly, thank you for bringing my mother happiness!

To Olivia, It’s us til the end best friend. You’re always in my corner, making sure I take my  time with things and trying to calm my crazy. You motivate me and make sure I don’t freak out about literally everything. Thank you for your being you. You are truly an amazing person. You’ve gotten your masters and I couldn’t be more proud of you. I know when I finally receive mine you’ll be there to cheer me on!

Kela, You are just a ray of sunshine my Piesecrie! Did I take it back or what! You are always praying for me, and I love you for that. I thank you for always putting a smile on my face and keeping me grounded.

Aza, You’re magical. Our friendship is near and dear to my heart. You know I’m always only a call away. I appreciate your whole life lol and your voice is something special. I am thankful to have met you when I did. Your daughter is going to be amazing. I am proud of you always. I love you and baby Bells.

Tia, We haven’t even known each other long but I appreciate you more than you know! You’re kind, patient, and always willing to help me. I can’t believe we are both published authors! Isn’t it amazing how God places people in the right place at the right time! We’ll be on somebody’s talk show one day! lol

Danni, You’re practically at the finish line to have your dream job! Nurse Danni has a ring to it! You’ve stepped out on faith with your career and that is amazing to me! That gives me strength to never give up and keep pursuing my dream. Our friendship I cherish dearly. You are so strong and I am glad to have you in my life.

Amber, Your drive is something crazy! You’re always thinking of ways to be better and make your brands better! You inspire me to build more on my blog and so many other ideas I have floating around in my head. I wish I had your confidence, but I’m working on it! Thank you for always helping me when needed and never making me feel like I’m over stepping my boundaries.

Tiffany, Tracey, & Ashley, I am so proud of all three of you! Tiffany, I know your sisters and I graduated together but to see three people I grew up with become doctors is literally mind blowing! Ya’ll are truly black girl magic! The fields you all have entered will never die and I know ya’ll are going to rock it! Tracey and Ashley! Columbia just produces greatness, we’re the best class of course! I couldn’t be more proud of you too! Thank you to the three of you for being an example for me to never give up!

Maui, I have been following you for a few months and your personality is the bomb! I love the fact that you take the time to respond to all your fans and I can’t wait to meet you one day! You inspire me because you are famous in my head already lol, and I just feel like whenever we do meet you’re going to know it’s me because I comment on everything you write lol. I seriously appreciate the time you take to help me with any poetry related question, or even responding to my own personal posts. You literally make my day when I see your name pop up on anything I do. I wish you nothing but continued success, and wether I come to Philly or you come to Virginia I know it’s going to be magical!

Lisa, I’ve known you forever lol but I know I can always count on you. You will forever by my bunny. Our friendship is special to me and I appreciate you. You are always down for a prayer, and that year we went to church together was amazing. I love you. Your spirit is unmatched. We have grown over the years and I am so thankful to still have you as one of the few friends from high school. Keep doing amazing things in your field, you’re necessary. Never let anyone tell you different!

Rina, Cousin my cousin. I love your whole life. You are always thinking on the positive side, something I need to work on more. I miss you, but I know your life in Cali will be what you need! I want to thank you for being a great friend in the few years I’ve known you. We have gotten close over the years and I know I can always count on you for a laugh. Your a passionate person and you’re so caring, I know you’re going to do great things.. duh, because we’re family! lol

Yana, I thank you for always making sure I am good. Your laugh is contagious and I love it! You always tell me how much I inspire you and that means so much to me. I love you. I want you to keep writing and keep honing your other crafts! You know I’m always here to support you just like you support me!

Shar, Thank you for being you. I love this new writing journey your on. I tell you all the time your post make me want to write more. So this time I’m returning the favor. You truly are an inspiration and I am glad to have formed a relationship with you. I know your writing is only going to get better and I can’t wait to travel to all the places you’ve been! I thank you for our friendship, the little we’ve shared I cherish because it was genuine.

Imani, I have only known  you for a few months but you’ve helped me with so much. I appreciate you because you’re honest with me all the time. I love the memories we’ve created and I know I can always trust you for a good prayer session. You are going to do great things as a doctor. Finish up your degree because the world is going to need you! I am thankful to have met you when I did!

Bri, It’s crazy because we’ve never met but I feel like I’ve known you forever. You’re so sweet and you always find a way to make sure I see things differently even if I don’t want too. You’re a crazy talented musician and I know that when you graduate with your masters you know I will be so happy for you! You work hard, and you never give up! You’re always so positive with things, even when sometimes things may not be going your way. I love you sis. I am thankful for our friendship and I can’t wait to see what great things unfold for your life!

Domo, It’s amazing to me that you and I have known each other for a while, but we recently have gotten close over the years. I am thankful for your our relationship and how it’s grown because you are always so sweet, kind, and you’re a great listening ear. I love that you always take the time to check in on me. I tell you all the time that I am happy you found true love and that you give me hope. You are an example of our generation. I am blessed to have you in my life. You always make sure to keep me motivated and remembering that God is going to place me in the right direction.

Cobe, Twin! You are so special to me! I am thankful for you because you always put a smile on my face. I love your voice and your personality. I appreciate you because you are genuine and you always positive. I look to you for support because you tell me what I need to hear not what you think I should hear. I thank you for everything you’ve done for me and being a listening ear.

Shaheed, Man, you’re just a chill person! I thank you for being one of the first few people I’ve ever shared my poetry with that wasn’t another woman. I thank you for always being honest with me and making me laugh lol. You teach me to be less mean lol. I thank you for always listening to me and never judging me. It’s funny, you’re the only male friend I have to motivate me but you’re special to me for that reason. You know what our relationship means to me Sha, I thank you for being someone I can always talk too.

To all my motivators, listed or not I appreciate you! You push me to do better and be better everyday! I can only hope I do the same for you!

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To anyone reading this, I hope it’s helped you see that there are people in your corner, and know even if you feel like you have no one you always have God, and ME, and that’s real. 

 

Get your own #RelationshipGoals

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What is it about how society portrays relationship goals that makes the rest of us think that’s what our relationships should be?

I can’t be the only one who loves to see those random videos of couples we don’t know confess their love for each other and re-post them. Or the videos from Valentines Day where the guy has a ton of flowers and balloons every where. You know, the cliche-esq  photos and videos that we wished our spouses did for us. I can admit I love love, and I have reposted those same videos and pictures myself. The best ones are engagement videos. I get teary-eyed, and hope and pray my future husband does something ten times better. But, why?

I think for some people they share their love story because they want others to know that true love does exist. The issue for me becomes when people try to copy what they’ve seen; or they try to match what celebrities show as their relationship goals. Be original, or just be boring. Let the love story be yours, and let it be unique. Who cares what others may have to say about you and your spouse, or if it doesn’t get reposted and goes viral. It’s your relationship, not theirs. If you have a million snap chat pictures with filters as your year anniversary then post it and be proud! Or if you’ve taken the time to have this elaborate photo shoot with dolphins, and flowers, and the sun glistening down on you and your spouse then that’s great too.

Be your own relationship goals. It’s okay to want  to have something like someone else, but not everything that glitters is gold. Understand that no relationship is perfect, and while you and I may love love no relationship is always sunshine and daises. You realize people only post the ‘good’ and never the ‘bad.’ We don’t see when couples argue, or things aren’t going how they should in the relationship. We emulate the good and forget that there is bad sometimes sprinkled in there too.

Take the time to build a relationship and chose to share with others because you want to, not because you think it’s what society thinks should happen. The best relationships are the ones where no one knows you and your spouses business. I’ve said it before, not everything is for social media. But, if you chose to post, let it be genuine and real.

Don’t do what society shows us what relationship goals are. Create your own and let that be your foundation. Don’t build your foundation on what you see others have. Every relationship and every spouse is different.

 

Get your own #relationshipgoals.

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Hi, I am Ms. Freels.

Today I finally was able to substitute teach. Nervous and excited I awoke at 5:15 AM to check my account, so I wouldn’t have to hear the automated man call, go through the generic questions, and then lastly have me either accept or deny the spot that was available. For the first hour nothing was available and I was starting to get nervous, because I was hesitant to shut my eyes and miss my opportunity. Finally at 6:45 AM something was finally available, so I clicked on accept and started to get ready for my day. I was supposed to report to the schools main office, sign in, and get to my class to sub from 8:10-3:330, for Ms.Haldimans Kindergarten class. The kids were so sweet and although they were a little hesitant about seeing my face they all warmed up to me. Greeting all of the lovely kids with, ‘Hi I am Ms. Freels’ I am here to help Ms. Newberry today, and of course with a smile on my face. Kudos to Ms. Newberry for making my first day a great one. I was comfortable with the kids and never felt over whelmed. Although I was assisting today I can definitely see myself taking over any future classroom on my own. Today was as great day, and I am glad it went so well. My most favorite moment was probably when one of the little girls drew me a picture and gave it to me before she left. I will be back! It may not be this particular school, but subbing was a great experience.

See you soon Kiddos!

Do What You Love.

When I was younger I use to always write little short stories or poems and my mother, being the proud mother she is would always put them on our refrigerator. Writing was something that always came natural to me, I guess you could say it is my first true love, as cliche as it sounds. Writing down my thoughts were always easier than verbally speaking on things I was not strong enough to say, and even sometimes now I write things down when my voice is sometimes weaker. But, as I have grown and matured my writing has too, along with my voice, and I am no longer afraid to voice my opinion. I write poems mainly based on experiences I have, or sometimes I step outside the box and write about things that others can relate too. Being a writer, I have grown to understand that criticism is good, and sometimes I forget that. My biggest fears are someone reading something I have written and not liking it, giving me negative feed-back, or not being able to relate too it. And as far as my first point of someone not liking it I know that, that too is okay, because it is just one persons opinion. As long as someone, just one person, can relate to anything I write I feel like I have conquered the world! It makes me feel good knowing that something I have written has helped, or changed someones day/life/mood.

Going back to my point of knowing that all criticism is good really hit me hard my senior year of undergrad in my Capstone class. For any alumnus of NJCU you would know that “Professor James” was probably the toughest professor but he was only tough because he wanted the best work from you. He was always reasonable and told you what you needed to hear, not what you wanted, but man… I wanted to really hurt him this particular day. For this Capstone class we each had to pick a particular topic and write about it(the type of papers we were writing were called Long form), along with two sidebars( two pieces that added to your bigger story but were two separate topics that connected still to the bigger picture). After showing Professor James my paper although not entirely finished I was super proud of my accomplishments, and was ready for his praises but he proceeded to give me feedback, AND IT WAS NOT what I wanted to hear. Mhm! When I tell you I was so angry at him and he knew it too. I know what he told me would only help my paper in the long run but I was so crushed by what he said I couldn’t even edit my paper for at least twenty minutes. Everything I wrote after I hated, and I was really struggling because every week we were supposed to have a different, more completed draft. All semester the only thing we did was work on our Long Form/Side Bar Stories. I wanted to scream I was so angry. All of my classmates were laughing at me because they never saw me upset before, and because he tore me a new one I wanted to rip everyone’s head off in the process. Afterwards of course, I calmed down and my professor did give me more feedback, this I appreciated too, but it made me feel proud all over again to be an English major and subsequently follow my dreams.

He told me, “Jordan, I know I was rough on you tonight, but in all honesty your writing has improved over the years being my student. It really has.” I will never forget what he told me because that helped me grow as well.

It is my dream to write children’s books, and with all the poems I have written and the few short stories I have done I feel like I am getting closer to my dream. Writing is something that calms me, and although sometimes I do not write as much as I need too, when I do write I fall in love with it all over again. I write sometimes until my fingers start to hurt, and I know when that happens I have nothing else to say. All my thoughts are on paper, or in this case, a screen.

I say all of this to say, do what you love! If it makes you happy do it!