Tag Archives: listen

Listen less and Grow more.


Have you ever felt like the people around you never have anything positive to say? Or people just don’t understand the things you have going on in your life? I know I have. I’ve learned that it’s okay that people won’t understand the things you have going on in your life, or why you chose to do things you do, but it sure can be burdensome or draining when you think you’re doing well and someone tries to knock you down. This goes for whoever is in your life that may not be giving you the advice you should be hearing. Not what they think you need to hear because it’s the advice they think you need. There is a difference, trust me.

I’m the type of person who always want to please everyone, but even now I’m learning that if what I’m doing someone doesn’t like, or they aren’t helping me grow then I need to keep them as far away from me as possible. Remember, you are your worst critic, and essentially are the only one stopping you from growing. If you continuously beat yourself up for not being where you want to be because you’re listening to others then you are never going to grow. Sometimes listening to other people will only put you in a state of mind where you start listening to what they have to say, and whose to say that the advice their giving you is correct? Please stop doing that. Everything you do doesn’t have to have to be validated by other people. If you didn’t ask anyone for advice, and even if it’s something that you think isn’t the best choice for you don’t listen to them.

Live your life. Make the decision you think is best for you. Call on people who you know will give you advice that is sound, valuable, and honest. You’re at a point in your life where you should be even if it seems like things may not always be going so great. What is for you is meant for you, and what is meant for someone else is for them. That’s another thing, stop comparing what you have or where you are to someone else’s life. If you need to change somethings in your life then by all means do so. You can’t grow by listening to what other people have to say all the time. They don’t live your life, they don’t know what you’ve been through, they don’t know how much you’ve changed.

Essentially, all that matters is the decisions you make for yourself. Don’t misconstrue what I’m not saying. I’m not saying isolate yourself and just live under a rock. All I’m saying is know the difference between having someone support, uplift, and help you grow, verses tearing you down and you thinking that their helping you when their only hurting you.

My biggest fear and my greatest accomplishment.

One of my biggest fears is having someone come to me for advice and not being able to give them the advice they need. Or rather, giving them advice but always doubting myself that I could have said more to help them in some way. While people may come to me for advice (with a plethora of topics) some I am not familiar with. Others, I give my opinion on what I would do if I was in that particular situation (making sure I don’t sound bias or I am choosing one side or the other). I always wonder if I am doing enough. I honestly never feel I am until I get validation from them, and I know that may sound bad, but it’s the truth. I think part of me wants to feel like I’ve given them the advice they needed and the confirmation only makes me feel good inside, knowing that they wouldn’t have come to me if they didn’t trust or value my opinion. For me, giving advice means I need to trust myself. I need to remind myself of what I just said, lol, that if someone wasn’t trusting my opinion they wouldn’t have came to me for advice. Articulating as much as I can, because I know that this person is looking for me to help solve their issue, in some way shape or form. I only hope that the advice I have given, and will continue to give will help someone. As crazy as it sounds, while my biggest fear is not saying enough to help someone, there isn’t anything greater than giving advice or even sharing my experiences in a particular situation and that person says I’ve helped them. Knowing that something I’ve said or an experience I’ve shared has helped someone in anyway is a great accomplishment.

To DJ, Thank You for listening and allowing me to share what I’ve been through, and hopefully it’s helped you. You inspired me to write this piece and you’ve taught me that I need to trust myself, and not feel as if I can’t help people. Sometimes the smallest things make a big difference, so I appreciate the conversation we had because without it I wouldn’t have grown more today.

Communication is Key.

Hello everyone, I know it has been a while. For anyone reading, I am sorry for the delay and I hope this blog today helps, or you at least enjoy the read =). In the past couple of days, (within a week I’d say) I’ve either miscommunicated with a family member or friend; or have not been communicated too with a particular person and the situation at hand. This week has taught me to just simply communicate better with everyone, (through text, face to face) whatever. Although, sometimes texting alone can become misconstrued, I would say tread lightly, (before you get angry/feel some type of way) or simply ask the person whom you’re texting what they mean if it seems like they’re making a statement you don’t understand (something I am learning to do too).

I also feel as though communication can go hand in hand with how someone says things. I still need to work on how I say things, and honestly sometimes I feel like its how the particular person took what I said out of context, so that’s their fault for getting to emotional. (I know it’s not the right reaction to have, but I do), so don’t fault me, I’m working on it =). While I know that initial reaction is wrong, it only takes myself a split second to realize it’s not always about how I feel I need  to take into consideration the other persons feelings. No, I am not perfect, but, I can safely guess some people may have that initial reaction and never feel like they need to apologize or think they’re wrong (but that’s a whole different blog for a different day). I’m not saying I need to tip-toe around a conversation or for whomever reading this needs too, but taking into consideration how someone may feel/how they will react to what you say, can save a whole lot of unnecessary arguments and unneeded emotions.

Lastly, I would suggest whether it is through texting or a face to face conversation don’t be quick to jump to the defensive side/ or get angry. Something I definitely am working on! It is hard, but I think sometimes when people feel I am becoming defensive, they do not understand I am just simply trying to have a conversation, like a mature adult..who wants to argue all the time anyway? I sure don’t. Take the time to simply communicate. Don’t over-talk, cut-off, or assume. Let your side be heard, and the other parties. Hopefully there would be some agreement, if not you could simply disagree, and be glad the air has been cleared, and the conversation doesn’t need to be brought up again.

Communicating is big, because if someone doesn’t know you have an issue with them, or a particular situation at hand they wont know something is bothering you. Talk it out when you’re ready, and hopefully the other party will understand. But keeping things in, or not fully explaining can open up a whole different can of worms that doesn’t need to be.