You can’t control everything

Hey Everyone! I know it’s been a while, I hope everyone has been doing well. Lately I’ve been feeling stressed and uncertain about things in my life. And usually I write, talk things out with family/friends, etc. or I’ll do a little bit of everything (my normal de-stressers). I realize now that stressing over things I may not have complete control over isn’t healthy. So all I can do is take things a day at a time and know that things will fall into place when the time is right. I’m a firm believer in things happening for a reason, and that things are meant to be for a reason. Worrying and or stressing won’t help the current situation, it will ultimately make it worse in my opinion because you’ll be focusing all this energy on something that you have no control over. Continue to go about your normal day, and try not to think about things you can’t control. It’s funny I guess, because if we had control over everything in our lives we wouldn’t feel like how we do sometimes, the uneasiness, uncomfortable, or stressed feeling. So don’t worry! Things will work out when the time is right!

 

Happy Memorial Day! 🙂

My biggest fear and my greatest accomplishment.

One of my biggest fears is having someone come to me for advice and not being able to give them the advice they need. Or rather, giving them advice but always doubting myself that I could have said more to help them in some way. While people may come to me for advice (with a plethora of topics) some I am not familiar with. Others, I give my opinion on what I would do if I was in that particular situation (making sure I don’t sound bias or I am choosing one side or the other). I always wonder if I am doing enough. I honestly never feel I am until I get validation from them, and I know that may sound bad, but it’s the truth. I think part of me wants to feel like I’ve given them the advice they needed and the confirmation only makes me feel good inside, knowing that they wouldn’t have come to me if they didn’t trust or value my opinion. For me, giving advice means I need to trust myself. I need to remind myself of what I just said, lol, that if someone wasn’t trusting my opinion they wouldn’t have came to me for advice. Articulating as much as I can, because I know that this person is looking for me to help solve their issue, in some way shape or form. I only hope that the advice I have given, and will continue to give will help someone. As crazy as it sounds, while my biggest fear is not saying enough to help someone, there isn’t anything greater than giving advice or even sharing my experiences in a particular situation and that person says I’ve helped them. Knowing that something I’ve said or an experience I’ve shared has helped someone in anyway is a great accomplishment.

To DJ, Thank You for listening and allowing me to share what I’ve been through, and hopefully it’s helped you. You inspired me to write this piece and you’ve taught me that I need to trust myself, and not feel as if I can’t help people. Sometimes the smallest things make a big difference, so I appreciate the conversation we had because without it I wouldn’t have grown more today.

Communication is Key

Hello everyone, I know it has been a while. For anyone reading, I am sorry for the delay and I hope this blog today helps, or you at least enjoy the read =). In the past couple of days, (within a week I’d say) I’ve either miscommunicated with a family member or friend; or have not been communicated too with a particular person and the situation at hand. This week has taught me to just simply communicate better with everyone, (through text, face to face) whatever. Although, sometimes texting alone can become misconstrued, I would say tread lightly, (before you get angry/feel some type of way) or simply ask the person whom you’re texting what they mean if it seems like they’re making a statement you don’t understand (something I am learning to do too).

I also feel as though communication can go hand in hand with how someone says things. I still need to work on how I say things, and honestly sometimes I feel like its how the particular person took what I said out of context, so that’s their fault for getting to emotional. (I know it’s not the right reaction to have, but I do), so don’t fault me, I’m working on it =). While I know that initial reaction is wrong, it only takes myself a split second to realize it’s not always about how I feel I need  to take into consideration the other persons feelings. No, I am not perfect, but, I can safely guess some people may have that initial reaction and never feel like they need to apologize or think they’re wrong (but that’s a whole different blog for a different day). I’m not saying I need to tip-toe around a conversation or for whomever reading this needs too, but taking into consideration how someone may feel/how they will react to what you say, can save a whole lot of unnecessary arguments and unneeded emotions.

Lastly, I would suggest whether it is through texting or a face to face conversation don’t be quick to jump to the defensive side/ or get angry. Something I definitely am working on! It is hard, but I think sometimes when people feel I am becoming defensive, they do not understand I am just simply trying to have a conversation, like a mature adult..who wants to argue all the time anyway? I sure don’t. Take the time to simply communicate. Don’t over-talk, cut-off, or assume. Let your side be heard, and the other parties. Hopefully there would be some agreement, if not you could simply disagree, and be glad the air has been cleared, and the conversation doesn’t need to be brought up again.

Communicating is big, because if someone doesn’t know you have an issue with them, or a particular situation at hand they wont know something is bothering you. Talk it out when you’re ready, and hopefully the other party will understand. But keeping things in, or not fully explaining can open up a whole different can of worms that doesn’t need to be.

Hi, I am Ms. Freels.

Today I finally was able to substitute teach. Nervous and excited I awoke at 5:15 AM to check my account, so I wouldn’t have to hear the automated man call, go through the generic questions, and then lastly have me either accept or deny the spot that was available. For the first hour nothing was available and I was starting to get nervous, because I was hesitant to shut my eyes and miss my opportunity. Finally at 6:45 AM something was finally available, so I clicked on accept and started to get ready for my day. I was supposed to report to the schools main office, sign in, and get to my class to sub from 8:10-3:330, for Ms.Haldimans Kindergarten class. The kids were so sweet and although they were a little hesitant about seeing my face they all warmed up to me. Greeting all of the lovely kids with, ‘Hi I am Ms. Freels’ I am here to help Ms. Newberry today, and of course with a smile on my face. Kudos to Ms. Newberry for making my first day a great one. I was comfortable with the kids and never felt over whelmed. Although I was assisting today I can definitely see myself taking over any future classroom on my own. Today was as great day, and I am glad it went so well. My most favorite moment was probably when one of the little girls drew me a picture and gave it to me before she left. I will be back! It may not be this particular school, but subbing was a great experience.

See you soon Kiddos!

God Is Good

God is good. I have always been a believer of God and I just wanted to share how truly blessed I have been; and not going down a list of how he has blessed me, but to let anyone reading this know that God heals, helps, and protects all. You may or may not believe in God, you may not pray, but understand he is around, in all forms. My life is not perfect and nothing is easy, but just my belief in God has helped me through plenty. In these first few weeks of 2015, I have been blessed so much, more than I even know, and I am happy. I feel lighter. I feel like my stress level is down. I just know that God is always around, and while I may not always understand why he does what he does, I know that he works in mysterious ways. No matter how you may feel, no matter how hard you may feel like your life is, know too that someones life is harder, but also know that God will never disappoint. He will bless you everyday. He wants what is best for you. I promise he won’t disappoint.

Do What You Love.

When I was younger I use to always write little short stories or poems and my mother, being the proud mother she is would always put them on our refrigerator. Writing was something that always came natural to me, I guess you could say it is my first true love, as cliche as it sounds. Writing down my thoughts were always easier than verbally speaking on things I was not strong enough to say, and even sometimes now I write things down when my voice is sometimes weaker. But, as I have grown and matured my writing has too, along with my voice, and I am no longer afraid to voice my opinion. I write poems mainly based on experiences I have, or sometimes I step outside the box and write about things that others can relate too. Being a writer, I have grown to understand that criticism is good, and sometimes I forget that. My biggest fears are someone reading something I have written and not liking it, giving me negative feed-back, or not being able to relate too it. And as far as my first point of someone not liking it I know that, that too is okay, because it is just one persons opinion. As long as someone, just one person, can relate to anything I write I feel like I have conquered the world! It makes me feel good knowing that something I have written has helped, or changed someones day/life/mood.

Going back to my point of knowing that all criticism is good really hit me hard my senior year of undergrad in my Capstone class. For any alumnus of NJCU you would know that “Professor James” was probably the toughest professor but he was only tough because he wanted the best work from you. He was always reasonable and told you what you needed to hear, not what you wanted, but man… I wanted to really hurt him this particular day. For this Capstone class we each had to pick a particular topic and write about it(the type of papers we were writing were called Long form), along with two sidebars( two pieces that added to your bigger story but were two separate topics that connected still to the bigger picture). After showing Professor James my paper although not entirely finished I was super proud of my accomplishments, and was ready for his praises but he proceeded to give me feedback, AND IT WAS NOT what I wanted to hear. Mhm! When I tell you I was so angry at him and he knew it too. I know what he told me would only help my paper in the long run but I was so crushed by what he said I couldn’t even edit my paper for at least twenty minutes. Everything I wrote after I hated, and I was really struggling because every week we were supposed to have a different, more completed draft. All semester the only thing we did was work on our Long Form/Side Bar Stories. I wanted to scream I was so angry. All of my classmates were laughing at me because they never saw me upset before, and because he tore me a new one I wanted to rip everyone’s head off in the process. Afterwards of course, I calmed down and my professor did give me more feedback, this I appreciated too, but it made me feel proud all over again to be an English major and subsequently follow my dreams.

He told me, “Jordan, I know I was rough on you tonight, but in all honesty your writing has improved over the years being my student. It really has.” I will never forget what he told me because that helped me grow as well.

It is my dream to write children’s books, and with all the poems I have written and the few short stories I have done I feel like I am getting closer to my dream. Writing is something that calms me, and although sometimes I do not write as much as I need too, when I do write I fall in love with it all over again. I write sometimes until my fingers start to hurt, and I know when that happens I have nothing else to say. All my thoughts are on paper, or in this case, a screen.

I say all of this to say, do what you love! If it makes you happy do it!

Oh The Joys Of Retail

So today, I had work from 9-2 PM, well at least that was the plan. While waiting for my manager to arrive I was listening to the mall music and watching the early morning mall walkers get their daily exercises; shortly after we finally made it inside the retail store I work in. After doing my daily morning duties, I was prepared to go to the bank like usual to drop the deposit with my manager, but that was shortly thwarted because the terminix man showed up. Yesterday, we had some ants come and visit, (and apparently another manager knew about these creatures but never informed anyone else), but that is neither here nor there at this point. So with the help of the terminix man the ants were gone and my manager and I were prepared to open the doors. My manager informs me she couldn’t send our District Manager any emails because the computer systems were down. So I figured they would reboot themselves or just up and work upon us opening the doors for business. Usually with the bad weather our computers end up not working anyway, and because construction is going on at the mall I figured that played a factor too. I grab our walkies, turn on the music, and slide a key around my wrist with the intentions of greeting customers and having a great day. But then, more unfortunate news occurred.

As customers start to arrive I notice that our phones are still down and our computers are not letting customers swipe their cards. So now my manager and I must hold all the items the customers want to purchase and inform them once our systems are back up and running that we will give them a call to come back and purchase their merchandise. Luckily, cash was being accepted, but now a days just about everyone carries plastic. So after about an hour, our systems were finally up and running. My manager wasn’t stressed out and I was able to assist and ring customers purchases. Besides making customers happy, you know what the best part about my day was? I was able to go home early. There were enough people coming into work, and because the first hour of our segment was a flop there was no need to keep me. Although today was annoying but out of my and my managers hands I was able to have a good day, make it home safe because it had stopped raining, and write my first blog.

So what do you think?